More Ramblings July 17,2024

 The night draws nigh and souls who are in transition mode whisper their last musings into their personal beings. Did I pre exist and if so, do I return? If  "I" didn't then do I dissolve at death. Where did that energy we call the soul go? And the void doesn't respond.

A man named Jesus spoke great words of comfort to His people. They had spoken of this mysterious power in their journey up from Egyptian slavery, "I AM" it spoke." MAKE NO LIKENESS OF ME" so they spun this story calling it shepherd leading sheep and other allegorical likenesses in words.Jesus called it something even more familiar, Father. And some of the Jews from ancient days believed they were "chosen" and had this Being calling them "My Chosen People" and Paul from visions enlargening that to include the rest of us as "adopted". We were admonished to love this Being with heart, soul, and mind and our neighbors as our selves.

Loren Eiseley, a favorite writer of mine runs the story of man backwards. His specialty is explaining how we became human. In stories from his book, "The Immense Journey " he runs through the skulls of sentient man. As we join the descent we watch the pitiful spectacle of man losing the ability to speak, where Nature is fearful and he has no guides to show him the way. In his small mind there is no past and no future, just the present. 

Eiseley gently guides us further down into the depths of the sea from whence all life emerged. But, Eiseley just leaves the enigma there. The clues stops there. Now after Eiseley's death, we the inheritors of this "life force" seem driven to create mechanical minds that behave like sentient humans with or without bodies. 

So,just as cosmic "beings" announced the birth of Jesus, there is renewed interest in His promise to return. It speaks to mankind's dream of living forever, to somehow make sense of the purpose of our existance here.

Well, it's getting late this middle of July evening and I'm about mused out. Had a good music session with my guitar buddy yesterday. Glad we can still make satisfying music together. Nitey nite 

" 

MY 87 BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION

 On my birthday our daughter, Cathy's family took us out for supper. It was a very happy occasion. The food and conversation were delicious and interesting. Top pic is Devin (grandson), and son in law, Jeff.Middle pic is my wife Lib and me, and  last pic is Lib, me, and our daughter, Cathy.This may be one of my last blogs. It's getting increasingly difficult to find and follow directions learning a new skill. I wanted to put these 3 on my blog and it took me some time to discover how do it. We used to be able to drag and drop, not any more.

So blessings to anyone who follows me here. I'm also on FaceBook. Bill Kinzie

July 2,2024 Feeling much better!

 Been icing my lower back and really being careful about walking and bending.Listening to my body and trying to be careful. Yesterday I drove 20 minutes round trip for pizza supper. No serious pangs. Slept well and again cautious about my walking style.No serious pangs, but it still lets me know to treat it with respect. This afternoon I drove to Publix about 4 miles one way and did a normal Tuesday grocery run. Arrived back home and stepped up leading with my left foot....it growled a little as if to say " don't you dare do that again!" Lib helped put the groceries away and I'll ice it again.

Beginning to feel much more normal again and less dubious about the near future. My birthday is on the 5th and my loving family is going to treat Lib and I to a supper! Yay! Stay tuned here for details as they develop.

More ramblings (A little more urgent)

 Sunday morning June 31-2024.

I suspect a few of you are reading this ... so for your edification here goes!

Most of you are aware of the Thursday night debate debacle, especially if you're capable of arriving here. I see myself in that situation so hope to complete some more thoughts on my condition....while my mind still remembers and works.

I notice as does Lib, my short term memory is fading fast. Rather than a few blanks every few days, it's a multitude of blanks daily as she needs to remind me frequently what I started to do as she instructed .(That may come from woman's ability to multitask, still I should be cognizant of that weakness in my mental capacity.) You might say, "But Bill, you can still navigate to here and add to your blog. You write with college level wording and spell correctly." That's why I'm writing now, while I still have that ability. 

So let me bring you up to date since my last entry. I did an exercise that pulled a muscle in my back, one self diagnosis corroborated by my doctor and Lib's PT person. I also wonder if it is the return of a lower backbone (laminectopy) operation several decades ago because of age related degeneration of the spine. In either case that really impacts on walking from the pain it can generate! We'll see whether skillfully applied PT may fix that, because that directly affects other necessary life activities such as:

1. Driving: Not being able to drive is a major hurdle when I must be the grocery shopper! By itself it puts that task and doctor's visits on somebody else.Right now Cathy has assumed some of that.

2. If it gets so bad that I can't function in our home that becomes another major caretaking problem for someone. That either is a very probable outcome is a scary scenario. It's a regression to child and babyhood if one continues to live. Not a pleasant thing to contemplate.

3. I wonder whether these problems will accelerate or just move slowly and inexorably on. 

So these are the thoughts I share here for those of my inner circle of Facebook friends who may have some interest or advice, Respond at wkinzie@gmail.com . Cheerio and God bless!

So  

Another Spiral Down!

 Several days ago I thought I would try a new exercise right after waking. It was supposed to strengthen the core muscles in the back. After breakfast I noticed a little twinge every one in a while ( a sharp little pain in my lower back. 

Grocery day so drove to the store. No real problem to be concerned about. In the store began to feel sharp pains every once in awhile in my lower left back. On the way back several sharp pains at the same place so when I arrived phoned Lib to meet me at the door and help me get the groceries in (she has only one good arm so it is slow going for both of us. ) We go to bed around 11 pm our usual time but I can't sleep because this pain though slight is still there. Around 4 am I take a strong pain reliever and slowly fall asleep. The next morning I feel good and Cathy drives me the doctor's appointment.Concensus was that I had probably strained a muscle. Returned home and thought I was over 

Everything felt normal until readying for bed when the little twinges returned. We went to sleep, but every time I turned it hurt bad enough for me to finally get some over the counter pain killer and get to a fitful sleep. 

This  morning I'm walking gingerly with the help of a rollator because a misstep causes weight on my left foot side causes a strong twinge on that side. When you're my agency (near 87) you wonder how to manage a host of  maintenance issues by myself if this is going to be more or less permanent ? We don't want to be a burden on our grown children..... hoping that we can still hang on. Late living life usually gets more problematic especially when debilitating and permanent pain sets in. Hope I can write again with a more cheerful report.

 

MORE RAMBLINGS OF AN OLD MAN

   It is a Monday morning and the day is moving from damp and dismal toward sunny and delightful. I have this compulsion to explain more of my life to myself and anyone  who arrives here and might discover a resonant theme. If you've read from this source, it is the rumination of an old American soul.

Because I lived in India during the first years of my life, it definitely colors my perspective. Because I was blessed to be a performing/teaching violinist was another powerful dimension to my life experience. Musicians just encounter other very interesting people/musicians. I am a better than average reader so have been influenced by writers who had very compelling thoughts to share. I consider myself a pseudo intellectual by the breadth of my reading from real intellectuals who have contributed to the world's search for truth. As my mind seems to be slowly disassembling itself, I needed to briefly explain to myself why and who I became who I am at this late date. This mode is as good as any and is one of the "new" channels to share life experiences.

I  will begin with the most recent influencers: Buddy Whitfield a neighbor and fellow musician is the latest. He is a fine guitar player. We teemed up years ago for a neighborhood event and then left each other's orbits. Like comets, we encountered each other again and he helps by slowing down the ravages of time. Next are two: Andy Certner violinist who formed a new quartet that I was privileged to play in and Sheryl Smith cellist who completed a previous quartet I was in when our aging cellist died.

Next I wish to recognize Facebook Indian friends who I have never met in the flesh yet have had staying power in our interactions. Souls who have strong commonalities and affinities for what we may share with each other. The most delightful has been my friend, VIJENDRA TRIGHATIA. He found my blog and discovered we both had lived some time at Prospect Point, a home in Landour/Mussoorie U.P. India. We began corresponding and learned we shared strong interests in writing, photography, interesting Indian experiences, and musical performance. He is considerably younger than I and surely exceeds in each of the categories we share.  Through him I learned to know Vivek Khanna, (now deceased yet such a delightful and friendly soul from whom I gleaned much), Milena Banks ( an American novelist), Lily Swarn, a noted Indian poetess and author. And finally by accident I stumbled upon the fine photo skills of Kalpana Chatterjee while perusing the web for the northwest Indian province of Ladakh.

Now on to literary influences. One of the most preeminent would be the library/collection known as "Bible" to Christians. I grew up as a child on Hulbert's stories of the Bible. It was for children, but as I matured they forgot that part. Still, it is helpful if one allows one's self to mature. I'm curious about many things and have recent encountered the teachings and conclusions of a powerful Biblical scholar whose approach is historical, Bart Ehrman, who is a recognized New Testament Scholar. His spiritual/intellectual journey began with a strong fundamentalist background and matured to either agnostic or atheistic leanings. He had numerous tomes to his credit as well as presentations on YouTube. My views and understandings have been advanced by his presentations and books that I have read.

Another writer earlier in my journey was Loren Eiseley. I especially enjoyed his lyrical almost mystical book, "The Immense Journey". It's a collection of chapters on how life became human through the mystery of  "evolution " and yet leaves open the distinct possibility of a Creator. He was a scientist with a huge concept of "time", much greater than most of us, yet kind enough to expose us to his understandings of what the natural world and our burgeoning knowledge has revealed.

Finally, several years ago I stumbled upon an Indian intellect who engages with scholars and large audiences on well known Universities and venues named SADHGURU. His great talent is to bring together the ancient wisdom of India with the science of modern America on YouTube. If you sample his work and ideas you will find an amazing yet very approachable genius. 

I must stop here. 

Monday Feb. 26,2024

 Old age is sort of like early adolescence in reverse. You pass mileposts of diminishing physical abilities. One may have accumulated knowledge but some of that seems to vanish permanently or cannot be recalled on demand. 

Activities that one relished are abandoned as weakness makes them untenable. So one relies on activities such as writing diary blogs to pass on to friends and kinfolks to read and ponder and relate to depending on their stage of life understanding. There is a slight sadness from realizing that there is no respite from a process that will continue until it ends abruptly or one just fades away as the legendary Cheshire Cat.

Yesterday, daughter Cathy visited us for her almost weekly Sunday. She brings a bright smile that lightens Lib's and my spirit. She is a skilled negotiator, had this talent from early childhood and sold us the idea that we should move here from Roanoke where she could keep an eye on us. SO GLAD SHE DID! Lib and I feel comfortable that she and her elder sister will do what is feasible when either Lib or I pass on.

I think about her situation, though. Jeff and Cathy only had one son, who just graduated from college and had moved 2 hours away. When she reaches our age who will take care of her? Children have the best of intentions but often cannot fulfill filial obligations. These duties often fall on females to accomplish. Time moves inexorably on with its opportunities or takes away. A new reality creeps into lives and we are swept along with the current. In my old age I feel fortunate to have had an unbelievable set of coincidences that allowed me to have a joyful and fulfilling life. My only wish is the disappointment that once again humanity has allowed its leaders to  war against their brother man. History and their own military annals show that once a world war gets going no one can truly project its course except death, misery, and degradation. We don't live in poverty and ignorance. The world's knowledge is available at our fingertips. We should be able to equitably share the benefits of this largess, yet we insist on the barbarism of war. Why?

Well enough of this ranting of an old man. Blessings to whoever may benefit.